Mouthwear Stories: The Hard Way

This story was retrieved from the old M's Mouthwear website from an internet archive. The Hard Way

Like most 28 year old males, the prospect of getting braces is not too appealing. I had managed to make it through adolescence with decent teeth, at least the kind of teeth that allow you to avoid any serious orthodontic work. When I went off to college and saw a small minority of people wearing braces I recall thinking how fortunate that I was in that I never needed treatment and that I certainly didn't need to go through it as an adult. Well, I have since learned the hard way that things can change. It all changed for me on June 10, 1997. While playing a heated game of softball in New York's Central Park, I suffered a severe dental injury. In the last inning of a deadlocked game, I chased a foul pop-up that kept drifting away from the playing field. Since I was looking up and therefore oblivious to the hazards around me, I collided with a hot dog/snack vendor's cart just as I made the spectacular catch (which I managed to hang on to for a key out). The net result of this collision was to severely misalign my upper teeth, with two teeth in particular jutting out into a buck tooth kind of situation. My dentist indicated that I may have misaligned my jaw and require surgery. I went to an orthodontist for a second opinion and was told that I'd need braces. A third opinion confirmed this view and the braces were put on in late August. Well, braces are bad enough. They hurt, are difficult to keep clean, and make me self-conscious. But, there is something worse than getting braces. I didn't know what headgear was when my treatment started (I knew what this device was by sight, but didn't know that it was called "headgear" or a "nightbrace") but I can honestly say that I do know what it is now and it has been the worst experience of my life. You see, I've heard kids complain about the actions of their orthodontist, but I have some horror stories that would make Marines scared. Here are a few instances where my ortho was clearly trying to humiliate me: while she was putting on my braces for the first time she kept saying stuff like "putting braces on you makes me feel like I'm getting back at my parents because they made ME wear this stuff" (She's younger than me and I'm her only adult patient) she once changed my ligature bands to be pink colored WITHOUT TELLING ME! So, I went straight from the appointment to a very important business meeting and I looked like an idiot! Do you know what that X-ray machine is where they secure you in it by the ears? Well, she walked me into the X-ray room and told me she was going to take an X-ray. Since I'm 6'4", I was too tall to sit under the machine so I had to stand. So, I'm standing under the machine and I see these two ball-shaped things on either side of my head. On each of them, was a cotton swab which was brownish/yellowish and discolored. Since I didn't know what the machine was, I had no idea what was coming. Since I was so tall, she told me to stand under it but to bend my knees a little bit, which I did. Next thing I know, I get those two cotton balls rammed into each ear (it was THEN that I realized that I just got someone else's ear wax residue put into my ear). As I was about to complain, she tightened them in their so hard that I had tears streaming down my face and to talk hurt! So, I just stood there while she left the room. Anyway, she was gone for 17 minutes! (I know because I was staring at the clock on the wall). This position was so uncomfortable because my knees were bent that they started to buckle. Yelling for help would have hurt my ears too much so I ended up using my arms and HANGING onto the machine so that I wouldn't get my ears ripped out as my legs began failing! It was horrible! She came in and told me she had received a phone call and took longer than she expected. She said she yelled into the room several times and told me to yell if I was in any pain. The only problem was that I NEVER heard her because of that stuff in my ears. It was a disaster! When she put the headgear on me for the first time, she asked me if I liked it. I felt so stupid that I didn't say anything. Next thing I know, she grabbed the facebow part of it and began moving my head up and down (suggesting a nodding motion) and said "see, I told you that you'd like it!" When I complained, saying that it hurt and I didn't appreciate that, she stopped laughing, looked at me with an evil look, and said "I needed to test to make sure it was in snugly. I can assure you that it's in there perfectly, just as I envisioned you to look with it on!" Then she smiled a huge smile and told me to go learn how to take it on and off. She stressed that I should get good at putting it "ON", and not to learn how to take it "OFF". My ortho has what is called "The Learning Mirror" where all of her patients learn how to put on and take off their appliances. It's located in her very busy waiting room (which has glass walls that look out into a busy hallway in this medical building) where everyone can watch you. I was forced to learn how to put on the headgear in this setting, with about 40 people or so staring at me-some from the hallway! Add to it the fact that my neck strap and head strap are neon orange and green, and it's QUITE noticeable! Here's the REALLY bad part of this story: A friend of mine also wears braces and attends an evening MBA program with me at a nearby college. Even though we are nearing completion of our courses, the school changed it's ID card system to a new one which forced everyone to get a new ID I was reluctant to get mine taken again since my old ID had a great braces free shot which made me look a bit like a youthful Paul Newman (I don't know how the lighting was arranged that made me look like this). Since the Superbowl was coming up, my friend with the braces, Katy, asked if I'd get my new ID picture taken with the headgear on. (She had never seen me with it on and was really trying to get me to show it to her). I flatly refused. Next, she decided to make a bet with me on the Superbowl. She offered me Green Bay straight up against Denver (she's a big Denver fan) even though Green Bay was a heavy favorite. If Green Bay won, she would have to wear MY headgear and have her new ID photo taken with it on (she had the headgear tubes on her back molars. I checked in advance!). If Denver won, then I'd have to wear it. Well, you all know what happened. I sat in the chair and had to tell the photo people that I was ONLY wearing it because it was not removable. They were trying not to laugh as I put on a big smile for the camera. It was uncomfortable, but only about 4 or 5 people whom I didn't know were working this photo booth and it wasn't too bad. After all, if anybody asked to see the ID, it was usually some 75 year old security guard who had trouble seeing me clearly anyway and would mistake the headgear in the photo for some really radical hairspray or something. For those of you who think that this is the end of the story, it isn't. I am involved in some local charity work and successfully sponsored a fund raiser for a local homeless society. To "honor" me, the school at which I pursue my MBA did an article about the charity and my contributions. When I agreed to be interviewed by an ambitious young undergrad, what I did NOT know was that they routinely use their database of photos from the IDs in order to put a student's face with a story. Yes, a full color glossy photo of me in full headgear (cervical and hi-pull) was printed next to the story. This is truly a humiliating thing to have happen to you and, to this day, I am embarrassed to be seen anywhere near campus. That feeling like everybody is staring at you (and picturing you with headgear on) is not a pleasant one. Finally, the ultimate snub was dealt by my orthodontist. Despite her unprofessional behavior, I figured that maybe she was treating me the way she was because she was interested in me personally. She is EXTREMELY attractive and I figured that we might get along better if I asked her out for drinks. I got my opening at an appointment last week. I didn't want to do it while wearing the headgear but the only time that she and I were alone together was when I was in the chair and her assistant went to the restroom. When I asked if she'd like to get together one night, she smiled the biggest grin I've ever seen, pulled out an engagement ring from her pocket (which she said she could not wear while using the plastic gloves) and said "While I'm flattered, I can't date you for two reasons: 1) I'm engaged to my high school sweetheart and, 2) I don't date people with headgear!" I get the headgear off next month. While I still have about 2 years in braces, it couldn't come soon enough!